“This close!”
Whenever my unnamed protagonist messed up as kid, spilled his milk or performed poorly on a school exam, his mother would shake her head and lament, “This close!,” to remind him that she nearly aborted him.
He appreciated her remark as an indicator of her irreverent humor, but as he grew older and became aware of his depraved sexual nature, his insatiable desire for women, including his two sisters and a dream about his mom, even, (which freaked him out), he started to wonder if everyone would have been better off.
Still, he managed well enough and married well, a beautiful, voluptuous woman, who quickly came to consider sexual intercourse with him as marital duty, a chore, and so as they engaged less frequently, he remained in a state of anguish desiring her as well as so many other women who crossed his path.
Then came erectile dysfunction…
It nearly drives him mad, and the Viagra makes him woozy, but he continues his sexual pursuits, including his reluctant wife and his side chicks, until one day a mixture of the drug, alcohol, and weed lands him with paramedics after he bounces off a big booty lover half his age.
Realizing that his wife will be summoned to the hospital, he escapes before the paramedics can usher him into the ambulance, and it is only later that he finds out that he suffered a mild stroke.
Despite his cunning, his wife eventually finds out about his philandering, and he ends up being homeless, considering the costs of apartments in New York City, and the fact that his wife expects him to pay exorbitant alimony, even though she quickly remarries.
He is determined to start all over again in South Beach, Florida. However, unrepentant, and irredeemable, convinced that his sexual appetite is normal for a man, he begins to repeat the same pattern that left him down and out in the first place, his erectile dysfunction.
THE END